November 2016 ~ i want you, exactly like i used to

it felt like yesterday we were meant to stay living like nothing wrong could happen.
i still recall a time you were on my mind, monopolizing each and every second.
figured i should know how it's got to go 'cause nothing is made to last forever.
i'm hardly moving on, the proof is in the song, remembering how...
i used to feel alive.
i used to want to.
i used to be all right.
i used to love you.
i used to never feel like i do now.
i used to never feel like i do now.
i used to walk on air, i used to care, i had no fear of falling.
i used to never feel like i do now.
well i can't ignore the hurt, pretend it isn't work knowing that you're better off without me.
i guess that you were right when you told me that i would probably one day be sorry.
but you know i'm not the kind to beg for a second try just chalk it up to another lesson learned.
and let it settle in if i ever love again, remembering how...
i used to to feel alive.
i used to want to.
i used to be all right.
i used to love you.
i used to never feel like i do now.
i used to never feel like i do now.
i used to walk on air, i used to care, i had no fear of falling.
i used to never feel like i do now.
i know it's probably for the better, i wish i could somehow just not remember.
i know it's probably for the better, i wish i could somehow just not remember.
i used to... i used to.
i used to walk on air, i used to care, i had no fear of falling.
i used to never feel like i do now.

to hell with the kind of work you have to do to earn a living, all it does is fill the bellies of the pigs who exploit us. look at me, i'm makin it. i may live badly, but at least i don't have to work to do it. to all you workers out there: every single commodity you produce is a piece of your own death.

i'm so goddamned tired, can't tell if i'm done or just uninspired.
and don't give me that 'you can be somebody' speech-- that ain't your place, let me be.
i'm an example of a candle lit life with electric relaxation, brain trampled by devotion to remote control channel changin.
something provoked the whole globe to lower expectations.
damn, what's wrong with my generation? we was the cream of the crop but it seems we've been robbed. that's what happens when you trade in all your dreams for a job.
and every day it gets less and less exciting. i would make a difference but i'm busy faking this instead of trying. change my shift from now to never and i'll pretend i'm fine.
why am i always stuck at the shitty end of the assembly line? i guess i'm built to be intoxicated with hope. sometimes it's a journey, most of the time it's just a bad joke.
and in my skull there's a junk drawer i can't organize. the first to come in last to leave we'll never be immortalized.
this sort of life is completely overrated, i'm sick of being the only one i know that's trying to make it. so right now i'm heading home, got sounds of nature volume 1 in my headphones and half a bottle of prednisone.
that's the reaction to an overdose of passion; brainless, stagnant... ain't it magic?
i'm here, so what (the revolution won't be 'til tomorrow)
i'm dumb in touch (do you have another hour i could borrow?)
i'm sane enough (the revoltuion won't be 'til tomorrow)
exhauted love (do you have another hour i could borrow?)
we the thing about tomorrow, i hesitate to say...
i never knew ambition could be so fuckin disgusting. i earn a good commission, but it makes me feel so ugly. i'm on some not even knowing i'm an illuminatus just as long as playin' agent don't disrupt my funeral's progress.
i ain't changing for you, i ain't reaching the sky. i would if you could give me one good reason why i should even try because after awhile this never ending lame game of what's better could fracture your smiles mainframe forever.
it's so fun to be in love... or so i've heard. the meaning has no feeling even though i understand the words.
i used to try to make heaven right here on earth but that'll only happen if you find someone else to do the work. i'll be surprised when my psychosis turns out to keep the driving focus while i hold the same blurred cloud as burn out as dope heads.
so for now my worthless counter-work has found a purpose every time a pound of dirt's produced. i'm get my frown refurbished. two for one specials, if you order shoulder devils, head swoll.
running out of petrol but i won't let go of this gas pedal 'til i'm settled and they finally wet me with that sweet blind security.
so insecure and messy, mark today the day that dedication died. instead of saying goodbye, i'm staying praying that i'll stay alive because even though i know i hate to love you so much i got no better place to go, that's why i always show up.
damn.
i'm here, so what? (the revolution won't be 'til tomorrow)
i'm dumb in touch (do you have another hour i could borrow?)
i'm sane enough (the revolution won't be 'til tomorrow)
exhausted love (abilities break it down)

you're getting a divorce?
we're getting separated. we probably won't get around to the divorce until next year.
i know it's none of my business, but why? you're married to one of the great women of the world who adores you. my god, if anybody has it made, you have.
she insists she's in love with me, whatever that is. what she means is she prefers the senseless pain we inflict on each other to the pain we would otherwise inflict on ourselves. but i'm not afraid of that solitary pain. in fact, if i don't strip myself of all this clatter and clutter and ridiculous ritual, i shall go out of my fucking mind. does that answer your question?
what question was that?
you asked me why i was getting divorced.
oh, listen, it's your life. i'm sorry i even asked.

i want you, exactly like i used to

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