currents

 sometimes i wonder if i can ever quite recapture the 'moment' that was 2009-2011. i felt things were working then and i was shining, you know? 

now i'm just some middle aged person typing away on her secondhand couch in her rented apartment's living room listening to songs from 2009-2019. is this what getting older is truly like? 

because if so, i'm over it. 

anyways. things accelerated as per usual in my thoroughly middle aged life. i moved. i work full time in a career i grow to loathe more each day (education sucks, yo). my interests are getting to bed early and getting the next book in the bridgerton series from the library because i am too cheap to buy it for myself. 

i think i'm just extra depressy-espressy because this week's throwback thursday playlist is from the era i consider my own golden age. i've lived long enough to see my shiniest moment become a nostalgic relic. 

ugh. 

that being said... wow. some of this stuff is not good. fleet foxes can still take a hike with their breathy, whiny vagin sounds. 

maturity, amirite?

laters.

xoxo
-- ffh

10. hang me up to dry - cold war kids 
9. i am steve - hey steve
8. PSILOCYBIN - dillanponders
7. 3am (toro y moi remix) - HAIM
6. taste of you - rezz, dove cameron
5. nuh uh - jades goudreault 
4. marinae - memba titus
3. hush - the marias
2. fuck em up - eazy mac
1. U&ME - alt-j

'... summer holiday having fun. happiness is between two buns. feeling funky on a rolling boil. smiles bend over can't control how i feel. it's just you and  me now. round of kimonos for my girls in the sun. sending videos to friends in London. Strut like Stellan Skarsgard to and from the bar, playin' my candied tangerine telecaster it's just you and me now...'

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ffh has thoughts and currents

 did i just imagine petey pablo? 

is it one of those weird conspiracy theory things where the world i know meshed with an alternative universe at the same time but only a handful of people have a collective memory of something? Mandela effect or something? but like, i remember petey pablo being a big deal? i still know the lyrics to 'raise up' but i'm the only person i know that even knows who petey pablo is.

*author edit: apparently lots of people haven't heard from petey pablo because he's currently serving a sentence for carrying a stolen weapon (and going through an airport xray with it... smh). so like, he's been doing things but what those things are is... nothing. his last 'release' via soundcloud was 2017. oooof*

anyways. life accelerated around february and hasn't slowed down except now since i'm at home learning with my students. which means i sleep in and pace around my house like some kind of caged animal. 

but i digress. 

just like all the boomers have been telling me to do for years, i pulled myself out of my own funk by doing an assload of yoga and getting at least 20mins of outside time in. i even started to listen to music more, again, which is fun. so i finally have more than the same 3 songs to write in a currents playlist!

rejoice, for i am only moderately mentally ill now. 

xoxo

--ffh

10. need you - jon batiste 
9. working for the weekend ft bbno$ - max
8. old friends - ben rector 
7. redmercedes - amine 
6. sugar daddy - qveen herby 
5. old fashioned - j. hutton ft ishDAR
4. low - chet faker 
3. break - julia stone 
2. way less sad - ajr
1. montero (call me by your name) but lil nas x makes all the noises with his mouth - lil nas x

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currents

It finally happened. 

I'm sure it's happened once or twice before, long ago in the before times, but I am too lazy/apathetic to look through old posts to verify this truth but I'm certain there are a few instances of this happening. 

But this is the current times and I am slightly ashamed but also at peace with this turn of events. 

Ok. Here it goes:

I like a Taylor Swift song. 

Phew, feels like a giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders just admitting it, even if it is to the void into which I scream occasionally. 

Anyways, what I've been listening to while I grade 3rd grade homework and trying to think of reasons the younger generation should not experience a mass extinction event like, yesterday. What is their purpose? What does their future look like if they can't follow simple directions?????????

I don't hate my existence, you do.

xoxo

--ffh

10. you - benny blanco with marshmallow & vance joy

9. memories ft kid cudi (2021 remix) - david guetta & kid cudi

8. ju$t ft pharrell williams & zach de la rocha (remix) - what so not x run the jewels 

7. time to go - taylor swift

6. 34 + 35 remix ft megan thee stallion & doja cat) - ariana grande 

5. back 2 back - blake rules 

4. somethin' stupid - frank & nancy sinatra

3. rolling in the deep - adele

2. goosebumps (remix) - travis scott, HVME

1. side eyes - awfbeat

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currents

 New year, who dis?

Jokes aside, a ton of stuff happened in the real world since I deigned to appear on this website and scream into the void as I am wont to do from time to time. 

I still have a job, which is a small miracle, but I'm trading it in for a younger model. Online teaching is by far one of the worst experiences of my life (so far) and no amount of money can keep me there. Call me a millennial (I am), call me weak (maybe), call me whatever you want (just not mean things to my face because I am delicate) I just know that I can't stay in this position in good conscience until June without having an actual breakdown. You know you don't like your job when you would willingly kill yourself than go, right? That's a good sign it's time to GTFO, right? I'm not just being a wimp? And like, they just... don't have their shit together. For a place that deals with educating the youth of tomorrow, you would think their board administrative team would be a little bit more on top of things. 

I digress. 

Idiot Americans did trademark Idiot American things by storming the Capitol in defense of Mango Mussolini losing the presidential election, which shocked no one. America as a nation has shown through this global pandemic thing that they are by and large the stupidest people in the room and will invariably believe the easiest lie that you can tell them without blinking an eye. I have family that lives in America and they're split down the middle politically, but what a deep chasm divide that is. So in short, I will be avoiding America for at least the next 5 years. Mostly because I don't want to get the 'rona and I don't trust those chucklefucks to do the right thing and get inoculated to protect themselves and me from getting sick. 

Biden became the 46th president of the United States of America. My country's Governor General (a figurehead position similar to Mitch McConnell's head because he don't gots no brains to fill it) was exposed as a toxic human and wanted for vehicular manslaughter. Buckle up, Buckaroos! 

Anyways, turn on the news, you'll see all this (and more) so I don't have to figure out what I did for nearly 2 months. 

It's time to talk about music. What have I been listening to lately? 

To be honest, nothing. My days are filled with 23 7-8yr old's screeching on Zoom for 4-6hrs and then followed by blissful silence. I listen to the radio to get some adult connection during my drive to purgatory work. I download my weekly playlist on Spotify but I rarely listen to it since I messed up my algorithm somehow and it regularly recommends purely ska to me, which naturally, makes me want to blow my fucking brains out in a spectacularly public way for maximum trauma. Who do I need to talk to at Spotify to tell them that Ska makes me want to kill myself and everyone around me? 

So in short, this post is spectacularly short because I haven't listened to anything in weeks. Hello, darkness my old friend...

xoxo

-- ffh

6. lame - the beaches
5. that's life - frank sinatra
4. you're driving me crazy - billie holiday 
3. gotta get up - harry nilsson 
2. t-shirt - the beaches
1. skin it back - little feat

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it still counts as my new year post since it's still january. don't @ me.

 I am literally one of the worst humans on the face of the planet. Not actually, nor literally, but I am unreliable and possibly just a little bit shit at what I set out to do. Good intentions blah blah blah. 

Anyways. Thanks mostly in part to Spotify who likes to remind me regularly that I have questionable taste in music, I have compiled all the shit I listened to last year. Spoiler alert: it's all hot garbage but it made me happy so ya'll will just have to fucking deal. 

Cheers. May 2021 bring you all the smiles and stuff that you hoped 2020 would bring until it shit on all your dreams and told you it wasn't mad, just disappointed. 

Anyways, the things that were on high rotation for me in 2020 in ascending order after the cut. 

xoxo

- ffh

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