moon river

 have you ever just, sobbed at something trivial? something that you know you shouldn't be crying over but like, you cannot stop yourself from the lip tremble, then the stinging eyes, and then before you know it you can't breathe through the snot in your nose and you just have the big sad wash over you?

no? just me. 

cool. 

i'm choosing to call this my superpower, this innate ability to sob uncontrollably at things that other people don't sob at. or maybe i'm just hella soft. 

take for example one episode of human resources, the one where yara dies. let me tell you i fucking sobbed my eyes out over that. 

my own grandmother died of dementia which is something i don't often talk about, simply because it gives me the sad. it happened 4 years ago and while the woman who was my grandmother wasn't really the woman who wore a stainless steel bowl on her head as we raced down the back sidewalk in a red wagon, she was still my grandmother. even thinking about it makes me do the boo hoos again. i've had to awkwardly swipe away the tears twice since i started this long winded intro. 

this "superpower" is a source of my greatest embarrassment, especially in front of mr ffh, which is completely bonkers because if you can't cry in front of your partner, what are you doing? 

but the song moon river, a cover of a song written in 1961 for aubrey hepburn in breakfast at tiffany's, is what inspired this tear-streaked intro. i only knew the cover done by jerry butler (who i falsely attributed to ray charles, more on my stupidity later), but the episode featured the version done by frank ocean. i'm not a huge frank ocean fan; he's alright but i find that he relies too much on his toned down tracks to support his smooth voice. i mean, play to your strengths but change it up a little. i like to call these kinds of artists 'people who you think of when you want static noise' or 'songs to get stoned to.' 

anyways, getting back to the song. 

it bangs. it's lulled me to sleep over the last few nights since the rain sounds were getting boring (although i highly recommend listening to rain sounds if you're experiencing some anxiety because wow, what a quick way to feel better). 

so that's what's been happening. i'll stop typing now and write out the fucking list. 

xoxo 
--ffh

10. move bitch - ludacris
9. gossip folks - missy elliot ft ludacris 
8. tear it up - yung wun, dmx, lil' flip, david banner 
7. aerials - system of a down 
6. pnnbll - spark master tape, indikkawch, flimmboiint fred
5. mexico - abhi the nomad ft armani white 
4. things i thought were mine - alfie templeman 
3. bad checks (mute choir remix) - houses, mute choir
2. devils gate - prof ft kevin gates 
1. moon river - frank ocean