currents

 I was doing so well for a while, with the regular updating and generally being an engaged human. 

And then I had to go and do something like get a full time job. 

That's right-- in a year fraught with skyrocketing unemployment rates, ya girl managed to lock down a job teaching online. It's not the greatest, since I still have to show up to the school for the "collaborative" aspects (which is total horseshit since I can't have collaborative planning meetings or share resources). But I teach online so I guess I shouldn't complain about this since it's an ideal opportunity for this shitty year. 

Which means that I was busy last weekend trying to figure out wtf to do with 17 grade 3s online. It's a wild thing, this online teaching. 

So in order to pay homage to my newfound gainful employment, I've reverted back to my comfort of the classics for this weeks' current listens. There's something about the comfort brought to me by the Kinks and Cass Elliot. Don't @ me. 

Back to planning how to explain Peruvian festivals to 7yr olds...

xoxo
-ffh

10. both sides now - judy collins
9. scarlett - the rolling stones
8. we did it!!! -grandson
7. phenom - thao & the get down stay down
6. land back - a tribe called red ft boogey the beat, northern voice
5. pressure - kunzite
4. i'd rather go to bed - g-flip
3. do the work you piece of shit - the netherfriends
2. this will be our year - the zombies
1. make your own kind of music - mama cass elliot

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currents

America, you stupid beautiful disaster. 

With the early Saturday announcement that former Vice President Joe Biden had succeeded in his bid for the US presidency, I couldn't help but tear up a little at the sheer relief that democracy is not totally dead in my southern neighbor. It's kind of dead, since 47.7% of them still voted for Trump, who might actually go down in history as the worst president America has ever had (name another president with a website dedicated to dispelling his lies, I'll wait).  I'm not entirely sure how the newly elected Biden will handle unifying a highly divided America, or whether that can even happen now that the division seems to be deepening. I look forward to January when the military coup escorts Trump out of the now barricaded oval office. 

Photo credit: Eileen Grench/THE CITY

Although, seeing the people dancing and reveling in the streets of New York seemed to fill a part of my soul that I wasn't aware I was missing. It was like, "Finally, we can remember what it's like to feel joy; to celebrate things that make us happy." That's just something kind of beautiful if you ask me. 

Anyhow, now to descend into a deep, post election season slumber where I no longer have stress dreams about how Melania chopped down Jackie Kennedy's apple trees and can return to my eternal struggle over whether I support Trudeau's minority government good bad or indifferent, or if I continue to be a dreamer who'll follow Jagmeet Singh to the ends of the earth. 

I vow starting today that I will attempt to limit my political musings to the absolute minimum on this blog. I can't promise anything, but I'll do my absolute best. 

10. your love (deja vu) - glass animals
9. supernatural - ruby waters 
8. pistol dave - epic beard men ft sage francis, b. dolan, atmosphere, blue raspberry
7. more money more problems (stripped down version) - the notorious b.i.g. ft mase, diddy
6. altitude check - the bad tenants 
5. no pr blues - netherfriends ft FIN
4. hold up - the kaleidoscope kid
3. the wave - commonminds ft myles cameron
2. oh-lawd - jarv & thief 
1. love thy soul - calimossa 

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currents

T.I. has made the news several times over the last year or so by saying the most outrageous shit that makes me do that uncomfortable laugh-- you know the one that you use when people tell a joke that you either don't get or don't find funny, but you like them enough so you don't want to hurt their feelings so you just do that heh-heh laugh that's got enough character to pass as a laugh but your empty vessel of a soul really isn't in it? If you had to describe the face you make doing said laugh, it would be "pained, mildly distressed grimace."

Yeah, that's what happens whenever i read about T.I. lately. Between his comments that he gets his daughters hymen checked yearly at the gynecologist to ensure she's still a virgin, to his latest idiotic diatribe about coronavirus, "beginning in the throat," and if you drink warm liquids it sends the virus down the throat into the stomach where the acid dissolves the pathogen. This is wildly inaccurate information that is just mind boggling stupidity at this point in the pandemic. If a hot cup of tea was the cure, don't you think 231000+ in America, 1.2M worldwide would still be alive? 

Good God. America is a dumpster fire being accelerated by people pissing gasoline onto it. T.I. is probably just one of hundreds of thousands that think this way, both about the construct of virginity and of how to deal with the coronavirus, borne out of years of sub-par education systems and distillation of curious puritanical ideology pervasive through the cultural mores. Ugh. 

I wonder if google searches on the tenets of nihilism have risen since the onset of the pandemic. I'd be willing to bet money they have. 

Anyhow, the next time I post, it might be a new horizon as America will have devolved into chaos following the results of Tuesday, a time that I look forward to with trepidation and a healthy, robust dose of apocalypse signaling fear. I do not relish the world with four more years of Mango Mussolini, regardless of whether he wins the vote or simply disregards the election because he is an authoritarian despot forging a new path into fascist rule. 

Anyhow, what you came for. What I've been listening to at the end of the world. 

xoxo

--ffh

10. hurricane - shortyo ft XXXTENTACION, cooli booli

9. life wrote itself - chester watson

8. morning (intro) - deca

7. everything ends last year - open mike eagle 

6. whatever you want - crowded house

5. witchcraft - frank sinatra 

4. animal patrol - prof 

3. tom cruise - abhi the nomad ft kato on the track

2. one step closer - grandson.

1. gemini - knox fortune

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i'm avoiding doing what i should be doing, which is finishing grading these art history assignments (oh hey, i grade college courses when i'm not doing everything else that i do. fun, huh?) so where else* would i spend lots of time but here putting my curated playlists on the internet for me to look back on later? 

*typically, i scroll reddit but... it's a steaming shit pile right now and i'm just upset about a lot of things so i'm taking a well deserved social media break. them therapists call it a dopamine reset and i think everyone, not just me, is in desperate need of one)*

it's still snowing because if there was one thing this year brings me, it's continual soul crushing disappointment so i guess in that vein things are on brand. i also missed out on the second presidential debate, which in retrospect, might have been a good thing. i'm already feeling a lot of things about everything that's going on and i don't necessarily need to add to the deep chasm of sadness i feel whenever i think about my southern neighbors. so i don't have any cool quips or hot takes this week, but i'm sure i'll have lots to say/think in the coming days. 

anyhow. a playlist for a 32yr old, sort of nihilist. 

xoxo
-- ffh

10. eazy - tynn dolla ft eazy mac & kayoss
9. take my hand - zero 7 ft lou stone
8. vega - action bronson
7. our song - rainbow kitten surprise
6. clown shoes - blake rules, ryan zee
5. self care - tank and the bangas ft jaime woods, orleans big, anjelika 'jelly' joseph
4. monet - alligatoah ft sido
3. lonely - justin bieber & benny blanco
2. who's gonna stop me - portugal. the man ft. weird al
1. space ghost coast to coast - glass animals

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 2020, you ugly bitch. 

if it isn't america being truly despicable (i would put in links here but the evidence that they're just the woorst is pretty self explanatory-- just turn on any news channel you want and see examples a through to greek letters because wtf even is this year?????), or it's canadians doing excellent impressions of being shitty americans, or the fact that it snowed in the middle of october and keeps fucking snowing (ohh how i hate snow), i am 110% done with this year and we've still got 74 fucking days to survive. 

it's times like this where i actually kind of miss lockdown where people weren't allowed to leave their fucking houses where the chances that they could be horrible pieces of human shit were greatly reduced. but here we are. 

i'm just... sad... at how things seem to keep getting worse. have things always been this shitty, or am i just more aware? is the new cycle really just relentlessly pounding us with this to highlight just how terrible things got while we were too busy being busy? 

i don't really want the answers to these questions, since i just want to keep my stick on the ice. 

anyways, music for the ponderings of a 32yr old nihilist. 

xoxo

-- ffh

10. pizza alley - aesop rock
9. in your likeness - woodkid
8. who's going to stop me portugal. the man ft weird al yankovic
7. walking in the snow - run the jewels
6. death parade - open mike eagle
5. can't put it in the hands of fate - stevie wonder ft rhapsody, cordae, chicka & busta rhymes
4. freedom '90 - george michael
3. who's it gonna be - the gregory brothers ft weird al yankovic
2. dirty - grandson.
1. 6s to 9s - big wild ft rationale

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quel fromage! a bi-weekly update? non!

question: was it a quarantine fever dream that i read a vanity fair interview robert pattinson while batman was shutdown and he was microwaving raw pasta in a bowl with water and had sporadic success in a) not blowing up the microwave and or bowl and b) having reasonably well done pasta? 

these are the things i think about at 11:54 on a friday in late september. 

i had originally written out some claptrap about being bitten by a wasp this week, which is a truly uninteresting story besides the obvious "i got ganked off of antihistamines to stop my hand from blowing up like harry potter's aunt marge and to halt my throat getting all itchy feeling," which, as one can imagine, was pretty cool minus the general disorientation and having to function at work whilst riding the loratadine train like all the cool kids are doing these days. 

but, as uninteresting a story as it was, it also led to a lot of this weeks listens because apparently i'm more adventurous when i'm evading an allergic reaction to wasp venom. i will state that i might have listened to toss a coin to your witcher at least three dozen times on repeat before i realized it wasn't just a really long song. good thing it's a bop. 

xoxo

--ffh

10. long time running - the tragically hip

9. zen - x ambassadors ft grandson, k.flay

8. long violent history - tyler childers 

7. cliff hanger - action bronson

6. toss a coin to your witcher - sonya belousova, giona ostinelli, joey batey

5. dirty - grandson

4. mongolia - action bronson ft hologram and meyhem lauren

3. israelites - desmond dekker 

2. just the way it is - action bronson

1. subaru crosstrek xv - hobo johnson

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i can't hate drake (but i still do)

 i'm canadian. 

i wear a toque, not a beanie. i've fought with those flying vermin known as a Canadian goose. I have winter boots that I wear well into May. I apologize a lot. I enjoy free healthcare regularly (my acl surgery? freeeeee). I speak in Celsius, kilometres, centimetres, etc...

While I'm the opposite of a Toronto Raptors fan (fuck you, you injured my sweet baby boy Klay Thompson and I will hate you until I die. Warriors [Boston] fan fo' LIFE!), and Toronto in general because it's just a shitty, overpriced place that believes the world to revolve around it, I have always been low key proud of Canadian hip hop. It's inventive, and creative and Toronto has always been a larger hub for entertainment. I daresay my western cowboy-themed province would ever birth anything beyond 

That being said, I fucking hate Drake. 

He can rep the 406 all he goddamn wants, I do not care for his lazy line delivery and overt braggadocio. I'll still remember him as the forever friendzoned fanboy of RiRi, and don't even get me started on his questionable relationship with his son, you know, the one he fathered with a stripper that he kept a secret for a long time? 

But... I can't hate him for the video for Popstar. I want to, sweet baby Jesus, do I want to hate him for this simply because he's Drake and everything he does makes me want to poke out my own ear drum, but I just can't find it in myself to hate it. And there's so much to hate about this video. 

I could hate that he got Bieber in it, the lovable Canadian heartthrob scamp who once peed in a bucket and assumed Anne Frank would have been a Belieber. The same scamp who I imagine to smell vaguely of Axe body spray and cheap weed (a nostalgic but disgusting smell nonetheless). I could hate that DJ Khaled, the insufferable but prolific producer is featured wandering about his manse and drinking what I can only assume is Cristal because why wouldn't it be? I could hate the wardrobe, the fact that they got too many people together during a pandemic in a closed room, hell you could even hate the song. 

But I can't. I tried. 

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 i hate this time of the year. i hate the fact it's cold in the morning and boiling in the afternoon with zero in between. i hate the changing colours of the leaves, since it means that the winter is coming and i fucking hate the winter more than i hate september. i hate the fact i can notice that the days are getting shorter-- for a delicate house plant like me who loves long, sunny days, i yearn for the long days of june when it gets dark at like, 11pm. 

but i really hate back to school. it's that weird feeling of nerves intermingled with anticipation and excitement that makes your tummy hurt and interrupts your sleep. i've been out of high school for a long time (some might say i'm ancient) and university for a full year and i still get the heebie jeebies come september. 

the heebie jeebies are also heightened this year since, you know, it's a fucking pandemic. as a teacher, i'm deeply saddened that my colleagues all over the world are considered, whether overtly or not, expendable by local governments because parents need childcare so that the economy can continue to chug along and we can return to 'normal.' i'll hold my tongue, since this blog isn't about my political leanings (except for when i make a comment about Kanye), but let it not be forgotten the next time you complain about how much teachers make and how lazy they are (2 months off every year!) the average teacher, when you add in all their hours of work they undertake outside of school hours works out to about $12/hr a week. That's including extending your pay 12 months of the year, less taxes. that's below minimum wage in my province and i think it's absolutely inexcusable. 

aaaaanyways, the currents. spotify still hates me, but it's getting better slowly. although the other week it recommended a song from the muppet caper, so i still don't know what i'm doing right/wrong for this to happen. 

xoxo
-ffh

10. go to town - doja cat
9. gin and juice - the gourds
8. cocaine country dancing - paul cauthen 
7. of all the gin joints in the world - fallout boy 
6. helena - my chemical romance
5. popstar - dj khaled ft drake
4. spooky language - the palmer squares 
3. best life - danny brown
2. big time - deca
1. by and by - caamp 

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currents

 it's been a hot minute since i gave you some fire from my playlists. i got called back into work, which has consumed my life in ways i didn't want. i, like many of my countrymen and women, had accepted my fate as the unemployed for the summer and was very much looking forward to spending time outdoors, biking and enjoying my time. but now i'm back at work, also outside, but spent pulling provincially prohibited weeds. less cool overall. 

also, basketball is back, so, you know, i'm awol in general. 

but now that i have a few minutes to think, i've put fingers to keyboard. i doubt i have anything worthy, since my spotify algorithm continues to be fucking stupid, but i try my best. but because of this continued apathy for life in general and spotify recommended songs in specific, the currents are shorter this go around. sue me?

xoxo

--ffh

4. no raba toma tapão - niack
3. someone else - rezz, grabbitz
2. microfiche - open mike eagle
1. drugs - philharmonik

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currents

ok. without sounding like i'm walking back all of my comments for the last 5 years about ye, i feel like i should probably put a caveat on my love for yeezy. 

recently, kanye declared that he was running for president of the united states, a move we all knew was coming but weren't quite prepared for 2020 to get this bad. the announcement surprised nobody, but brought up a lot of questions directed at kanye's mental health (though naturally, when interviewed, kanye did not talk about that but instead god and declared himself antivax). while i don't think america can get any worse than it already is with kanye at the helm, i also don't think this is ye's time. american politics are an actively burning dumpster fire in the middle of a field of tire fires, let's not someone with documented mental health issues run the nation. 

you tried that once and look where it got you, america. learn from your initial mistake for once. 

so my caveat to my love of kanye comes with the warning, concern, outright fear, americans will do the stupid thing and split the vote among democrats and yeezy's birthday party (what a fucking stupid name-- america, RUN the other way). i love creative kanye, the reasonably incendiary, outspoken kanye of my youth and not this unhinged version. 

i guess what i'm trying to say is that i love the music, but i could pass on the guy who makes it. though i will give him a pass occasionally because living with unmedicated mental health problems is just terrible and he should find a balance. 

anyhow, what i've been listening to for the last little bit. as excited as i was for the cudi/eminem piece, it's a terrible letdown. name a more iconic duo: 2020 and being letdown. 

xoxo

--ffh

10. wash us in blood - kanye west ft travis scott

9. it was a good day (remix) - ice cube 

8. keep your head up - preservation hall jazz band ft eme alfonso

7. fight like ida b & marsha p

6. march march - the chicks

5. heat waves - glass animals 

4. together (f9 radio remix) - sia

3. ego death - ty dolla $ign ft FKA twigs, skrillex & kanye west

2. ugly ending - best frenz ft joywave & jason suwito

1. future power sources - marlowe ft l'orange & solemn brigham 

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Happy Canada Day, a day late because that's just who I am as a person. 

My neighbors set off fireworks last night since all of our celebrations are cancelled and it made me smile a little to see that the human condition to make the best of a shitty situation continues to thrive. I'm heartened to say that I'm proud of my little law breakers (the purchase of fireworks in my city is prohibited, but the setting off of said fireworks isn't... wut?). What I'm more proud of is that no one called the cops (OFFICER, I THINK I HEARD GUNSHOTS. IT MUST BE THOSE IMMIGRANT PEOPLE). 

Anyhow, before I go on a rant, what I'm listening to right now. Spotify is celebrating Kanye saying he's going to release music and then doing it instead of the usual WILL HE OR WONT HE?! rigmarole that normally goes on with Kanye by putting out a throwback thursday of Kanye mixes, hits and features, and if anyone's been following this blog for awhile knows that defending Ye is one of those things I will do until my dying breath. MBDTF is the best album, fight me. 

Now, the currents. 

xoxo

-- ffh

10. monster - kanye west ft jay-z, rick ross, nicki minaj, bon iver

9. super rich kids - frank ocean

8. wolves - kanye west ft. sia 

7. i'm in it - kanye west

6. best day  ever - mac miller

5. break from toronto - partynextdoor

4. l$d - a$ap rocky 

3. waves - kanye west 

2. day 'n' nite (nightmare) - kid cudi

1. freeee (ghost town pt. 2) - kids see ghosts 

 

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I was going to post something about my feelings on the BLM protests, but I need more time to think it out, plus... as a white person, I don't know if my voice truly needs to be added into the mix. I understand that silence is violence, but I'm still learning and don't feel comfortable just yet expressing my thoughts. 

Anyhow, a list of what I've been listening to lately. 

xoxo

-- ffh

10. umbrella - rhianna ft jay-z

9. pale yellow - woodkid

8. i got the - labi siffre 

7. never look back - run the jewels

6. miss prince - STEVE

5. outside baby - prof

4. wicked game - rembetika hipsters

3. plate techtonics (remix) - wes period, theophilius london

2. work it out - stevie wonder

1. pu$h - run the jewels ft pharrell williams

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is the shady persona real, or was a genius marketing move by dre? 

i had a chat about this tonight where it became plausible that the shady era eminem was a ploy developed to be controversial to generate sales of records. this started because i said that i had a line from 'puke' stuck in my head since i woke up this morning. the person i was speaking to hadn't heard it so i gave the backstory about how he wrote it about kim and that every time he thinks of her he pukes (which is some edgelord shit if i ever heard it, tbh). 

like, eminem is so good at playing it straight. remember that time he got mad that borat landed on his lap and stormed out of the award ceremony, only to tell us years later that it was acting? or that time where it was insinuated that he preferred the company of men over women and he just went with it so calmly? 

long story short, i think eminem is just an act and that marshal mathers, a talented rapper in his own right, used the controversy to generate interest and then rode it to success to let his talent shine through. the emimen we see now is more or less who he was all along without the fictionalized and overhyped hate of his mom and ex-wife. it doesn't mean i don't like eminem any less, i'm just more skeptical of whether i believe the vitriol spouted about his baby mama. 

i'm 100% over this quarantine even though it's lifting, slowly, where i live. it's too early, in my opinion but the experts didn't ask former substitute teachers who are living on government subsidies whether we felt that the reopening was too soon. pity, really because i think that people like me are a niche market of opinions. 

anyhow, the currents. it's a mixed bag, kind of like my head space right now. how apropos. 

xoxo

--ffh

10. soul tiger - klaus doldinger's passport 

9. odd times - uss (ubiquitous synergy seeker)

8. i got the - labi siffre 

7. i2i - teven campbell & rosie gaines (the goofy movie)

6. gorilla - bruno marks

5. play dead - aesop rock 

4. hard work - theo katzman

3. bobcaygeon - the tragically hip

2. every day is exactly the same - nine inch nails

1. squad goals - prof

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welcome back to quarantine with me, the person you see on your daily walks doing the most awkward yoga in her front room. you can tell by the way i wobble and need a youtube tutorial that i'm just trying this new hobby out because i'm bored out of my fucking skull and while you admire my initiative, you are out for a walk like a normal person and are mostly judging my lack of athleticism. 

this week features a bunch of stuff from the 90s/2000s because i had a dance party the other day complete with songs from every single junior high dance i ever went to (my high school had a no dance policy which probably stopped a lot of teen pregnancies tbh) and line dance moves that i haven't done since junior high gym class social dancing (i'm looking at you, cadillac ranch). and, much like a bicycle, you never forget how to do the macarena regardless of how much you try.  

I can hear this image...

xoxo

--ffh

10. kate - ben folds five 

9. cotton eyed joe - rednex

8. i want it that way - backstreet boys

7. it's gonna be me - *NSYNC 

6. larger than life - backstreet boys 

5. get busy - sean paul 

4. get low - ying yang twins ft lil jon & the eastside boys

3. all that she wants - ace of base

2. everybody (backstreet' back) - backstreet boys

1. black heart - stealth ft dap kings

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isolation day 35: will sell important organs to be able to go to the vietnamese restaurant for pho. might also consider selling my body on tinder/onlyfans for salad rolls. then i remember that i've been consuming oreos like they're the only thing protecting me from the virus so maybe selling my body on the internet isn't a good thing. 

although... it could be a new niche market: quaranbods. where you're both exhausted looking because the existential dread keeps you awake plus why bother going to bed at a normal time because time has no meaning and unwashed because why bother showering anymore? and you wear sweatpants because it's your new uniform (you don't even remember a time before sweatpants and flannel pyjama pants because it's been 35 days since you wore something with a button). we could saucily chat about how we deal with the overwhelming dread from minute to minute-- "I like to eat my feelings, how about you?"-- while I show off how many crumbs really ARE in my bra (because, much like Schroedinger, there are both crumbs and not crumbs in my bra at all times). 

i'm kidding. 

mostly. 

life is just less interesting. netflix and i are getting to know each other a little better-- it now gives me recommendations that i ignore 40% of the time instead of 100%. spotify is trying desperately to keep up with my daily changes in genre, era and time spent endlessly listening to stevie wonder. they can only recommend stevie covers so many times before i give up. 

anyhow. what's been on rotation since i was last here. every day is tuesday as far as i'm concerned. i'll leave my toosie slide rant for later when it's fully formed instead of me just yelling ALL (new) DRAKE SOUNDS THE FUCKING SAME AND I AM ASHAMED HE REPRESENTS CANADA SOMETIMES on repeat until i'm hoarse because that's how i feel about it right now. i also take umbrage with the fact that so much pop music sounds like the synth-heavy 80s. did i miss an important message that we need to be wearing lace gloves and bicycle shorts under a tulle skirt? i don't think my hair could handle a perm... 

xoxo 

--ffh

10. sunday best - surfaces

9. use me - bill withers

8. city of angels - 24kgoldn

7. 35.31 - childish gambino

6. never going back - fleetwood mac

5. jump in the line - harry belafonte

4. was'n typ - moe phoenix 

3. godzilla - eminem ft juics wrld

2. sir duke - stevie wonder 

1. golden years - david bowie

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currents

three week streak! things are heating up, and for once it's not just my thighs when i do my daily isolation yoga. 

i've become one of those people that doesn't feel whole until they do their daily yoga and the day seems to be just a little less awesome since i didn't channel my energy and ground myself. 

this isolation can end at any fucking time. 

anyhow, it's been golden oldies here for the second week in a row, intermixed with some surprises (thanks, Ozark season 3, Deadpool 2). I've had a lot of time to hang out with multiple online streaming services recently and am mining them for things to listen to while i'm trapped inside this fucking house. 

my paint skillz are d o p e

anyhow, below is what's on high, high rotation here. Stevie comes in at number 1 again because I fucking love Stevie Wonder and he should come first always. That man is a national fucking treasure, protect him, Bernie and RBG with your goddamn lives. 

But it's pretty apropos for the times we live in. I think the line about empty souls really speaks to me. This week also has Watsky, a long time favorite, and Lil Dicky on a Bieber track which, lets face it, weirder things have happened. Is it repayment for making the Beebs into an animal in that protect the world song? Finally, this week features my favorite composer of the twenty-first century, Ramin Djwadi, or better known as the "guy who composed the GoT intro song and does those neat covers for Westworld and other stuff." I think it's time for me to take all the mail off my piano and see if I can pick the song out... It's not like I don't have things to do..........

oh wait.

xoxo

--ffh

10. See Through - Big Data ft the Silver Lake Chorus 

9. Running Over - Justin Bieber ft Lil Dicky 

8. Wicked Games - Ramin Djwadi (Westworld Season 3)

7. Savage - Watsky

6. Still Crazy After All These Years - Paul Simon 

5. 9 to 5 - Dolly Parton

4. Heartshaped box - Ramin Djwadi (Westworld Season 2)

3. The Daily Mail - Radiohead 

2. Ooh La La - Run the Jewels

1. I believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever) - Stevie Wonder

'shattered dreams, worthless years. here i am encased inside a hollow shell. life began, then was done. now i stare into a cold and empty well. the many sounds that meet our ears, the sights our eyes behold will open up our merging hearts and feed our empty souls. i believe when i fall in love with you it will be forever, i believe when i fall in love this time it will be forever. without despair we will share and the joys of caring will not be replaced. what has been must never end and with the strength we have won't be erased. when the truths of love are planted firm they won't be hard to find. and the words of love i speak to you will echo in my mind...'

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currents

i've taken a break from playing the sims today to bring you my top songs these last 10 days. yes, it's been a whole 10 days since i updated, which, i think all things considered, is a damn fine record for me. 

i'm using this isolation time to work on me. daily yoga, working on getting enough sleep, and taking time to express myself creatively. as well, i've been living vicariously through the sims who, unlike me, are allowed to congregate in groups of more than 5 people and visit public places without considerable trepidation. 

the cdc says this many people in one space is a liability. sandra goth doesn't give a hoooot

between the sims, yoga, and watching ozark, i think isolation is pretty chill. i ignore the overwhelming sense of uncertainty because it doesn't serve me any good because i can't control it. 

anyways. i've got to get on the mat for my daily yoga otherwise life truly has no meaning. 

too cynical?

xoxo

--ffh

10. grove me - king floyd

9. brandy - looking glass 

8. danny's song - loggins & messina 

7. hotel california  - gypsy kings 

6. blame it on the boogie - jackson 5

5. superstition - stevie wonder

4. witchita lineman - glen campbell 

3. walkin back to georgia - jim croce

2. midnight train to georgia - gladys knight & the pips

1. uptight (everything's alright) - stevie wonder

'baby, everything's alright. uptight, out of sight...'

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currents

it feels weird to be posting about something so simple as what i've been listening to in quarantine, but i've exhausted all other sources of entertainment today so this is my plan.

they also advise you to keep a schedule, so here i am pretending i update on a schedule. ha! maybe this will be good for me?

little known factoid: my very first concert was sharon lois and bram, followed swiftly by weird al yankovic for his bad hair day tour. all i remember is that i got a concert poster (that somehow shows up in the clutter around my room once or so every few years) and matching t-shirt that i wore until it fell apart and that i knew all the words to living in the fridge.

apparently being stuck inside the house makes me kind of nostalgic for this so there's some weird al in there for the first time. further proof that quarantine, while necessary, is going to drive us all mad by the end.

whatever. we're all mad here. follow me in my descent. i think this weeks' high rotation songs prove this tenfold.

xoxo
--ffh

10. gump - weird al yankovic
9. everything you know is wrong - weird al yankovic
8. alternative polka - weird al yankovic
7. superstition - stevie wonder
6. the chain - fleetwood mac
5. walking back to georgia - jim croce
4. you oughta know - alanis morisette
3. deadcrush - alt-j ft danny brown
2. almost (sweet music) - hozier
1. testify - awkwafina

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this is the darkest timeline

One day, I hope to look back at 2020 and laugh. I hope to be able to look at this incredible, roller coaster shit show of a year and say, "wow, I'm stronger because of this."

My birthday present from the universe was pausing the NBA season after a player tested positive for COVID-19. Luckily, my team had been eliminated from the playoffs the day before which, in its own way, is comical. A day late, a buck short I'm writing the report on losing and failing, commiserating. I don't have anything to do on a nightly basis now so I guess I'll have to break down and read a book or something (ew). Reading Reddit is just making me depressed so I will reread Harry Potter from start to finish again because I seek the comfort I'm not allowed to have from another human right now.

All of the grocery stores near me are sold out of tissues and toilet paper which, when you think about it, is mostly completely stupid. The virus has flu-like symptoms, not 'holy shit this is what dysentery feels like' symptoms so the whole toilet paper thing makes no sense. People are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals, you were right Agent K. Also is the potential end of the world a good time to tell everyone I have a huge thing for Tommy Lee Jones?


Anyhow, I'm writing this from my own self-imposed quarantine for what is I'm hoping just a garden variety cold intermingled with the damned sinus infection that will not go away and not something more sinister though statistically I'm doomed so really what's the point? The students I see regularly on Tuesday's haven't quite grasped that coughing in my face isn't a sign of respect and is in fact, super fucking gross so I'm a ticking, infectious time bomb.

I can honestly say 2020 can bite my balls. Three months in and I'm ready for it to be over. I'm just thankful I live in Canada and not in the U.S.A. where their leader, Mango Mussolini, is a verifiable moron. Thoughts and prayers.

This isn't really a currents list and more of a playlist for the end of days to help you chuckle at the complete breakdown of society and social services at the weight of this pandemic. It's what our ancestors who lived through the Spanish Influenza would have wanted. I also urge anyone with a sense of humor to check out the playlist COVID-19 Quarantine Party on spotify because it's pure fire and I borrowed many a song from their list.

Remember: wash your hands and stay safe out there. As a teacher, I look forward to teaching the bumper crop of kids that will be born in September/October/November of this year when they come of age.

xoxo
-- ffh

- it's the end of the world - R.E.M. (and I feel fine)
- idiotique - radiohead
- doomsday clock - smashing pumpkins
- survivalism - nine inch nails
- skyfall - adele
- toxic - britney spears
- mask off - future
- sicko mode - travis scott
- cough syrup - young the giant
- unwell - matchbox twenty
- don't stand so close to me - the police
- toxicity - system of a down
- stayin' alive - the beegees
- antisocial - ed sheeran & travis scott
- the kids don't stand a chance - vampire weekend
- harder to breathe - maroon 5
- no air - jordan sparks & chris brown
- leaving on a jet plane - sunshine on my goddamn shoulders john denver
- city with no children - arcade fire
- burnin' up - the jonas brothers
- the kill - thirty seconds to mars
- down with the sickness - disturbed (OOH AH AH AH AH)
- u can't touch this - mc hammer
- every breath you take - the police
- another one bites the dust - queen
- no time to die - billie eilish
- you make me sick - pink
- put your hands where my eyes can see - busta rhymes
- around the world - daft punk
- temperature - sean paul

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currents

I'm still sick-- February went by in a series of doctor's appointments and me secretly fearing I had COVID-19 despite showing no symptoms and having not left the country in years. But thankfully it never developed into the horrible cold and just stayed in my nose. In the same breath, I haven't been able to breathe out of my nose going on 30 days now, so that sucks. February sucks ass, change my mind.

It's now March, though, and that means soon FFH will be another year older-- which in and of itself sucks because the looming grip of death is just that much closer and I'm still a substitute teacher???-- but also that spring is around the corner. Or, it would be if I didn't live north of sixty. We're still a couple of weeks months away, but I'm ever hopeful it will be soon. I am casually ignoring the three feet of snow I have in my backyard, though.

Ryan Green/HBO 

Anyhow, on a rare day off I've prepared my recent. I don't know what algorithm Spotify uses nor what I listened to in the last little bit to get some of these selections but only so I can recreate it for the rest of my life. There's some odd selections this week that didn't make the cut, namely my favorite rap about a cat (Aesop's Kirby) and the strangest tie-in song from a television show, Misbehavin' by Aimee-Leigh & Baby Billy from the Righteous Gemstones. Why these were suggested to me this week, I'll never know but I want it to keep happening forever until I am deaf.

Anyhow, here's what's been on high rotation for the last couple of weeks.

xoxo
-- ffh

10. sisters - k.flay
9. listen to me - dirty heads
8. peach fuzz - caamp
7. only living - the palmer squares
6. everyone looks like everyone - the pack a.d.
5. STILL - aziz, DECAP
4. unglued - big data
3. i want what you got - the beaches
2. stitch - allan rayman
1. charleston girl - tyler childers

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currents

Two years ago almost to the day, I got a cold that I'm 99% was walking pneumonia.

On top of me being constantly worried I was going to die in my sleep because I couldn't breathe, it was the coldest, wettest February that my city had seen in a few years, shutting down roads and generally making it a shitty time to be a Canadian. I was house sitting for my parents so I was expected to shovel like a foot of snow while trying not to die with all the fluid in my lungs. My father doesn't believe in winter tires so it was impossible to get anywhere. I couldn't sleep because whenever I laid down it sounded like Darth Vader was in the room with me and I began coughing so hard I couldn't catch my breath.
Because of that, I hate February.

My shitty February luck has struck once again. As I type this, a tissue is firmly stuffed into my nostrils to stop them from running while my head is down looking at the screen. I'm just a faucet-- eyes, nose. Ears popping. My brain feels like it might just be snot at this time. I cannot stop sneezing. And it's slowly making its way into my lungs right now; I can feel the tickle and the rattle starting. I'm house sitting, and of course it's been snowing on and off all day, great big wet flakes and is supposed to continue all night and into tomorrow.
I fucking hate February.

And of course, I agreed to substitute teach all this week. I hope these kids don't mind me snotting all over them because, after all, sharing is caring.

Whatever. Relish in my shitty February time with the currents. Extra songs in the rotation because February can suck my balllllzzz.

xoxo
--ffh

16. jeans - rubi
15. hooligans - ivan ooze
14. run for me - sebastiAn, gallant
13. breezin - cody g
12. typhoid - afk
11. faulty by design - name ul
10. CLOUDS. - kwame
9. boomerang - jase harley
8. grandfather clocks - mike irish, khary
7. always something - kill them with colour
6. splash! - deep ends
5. save the whole world - champagnehatesmusic, lil xay, a-f-r-o
4. it takes a village - marquis hill, brandoing alexander williams
3. easy come, easy go - daveed digs
2. squad - branchez, big wet
1. whiskey and push-ups - closed sessions, boathouse, open mike eagle 

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currents

Now that I have the obligatory "this is what I listened to last year" list done and dusted, it's time to focus on what's going on RIGHT NOW, which is surprisingly... not much. I didn't believe them when they said that depression takes away all the joy you gleaned from your hobbies but I can testify that literally anything I enjoyed once is now a chore. I'm still trying to figure out who I am post-university with a very part-time career at the moment so it's like life threw me every pitch all at once-- I can only hit a few at a time.

Anyhow, enough of me talking about depression like no one else has it, but also doing my part to open the dialogue of mental health issues. Here's what I've been listening to as I drive to work 1-2x per week. Spotify's Throwback Thursday this week is FIRE with Grammy winning best songs through history, which is where a lot of the songs this week came from.

I maintain that Kiss from a Rose is the best song ever written despite it being used on the soundtrack for easily the worst Batman movie ever made (there are only 2 Batmen: Keaton and Bale. Fight me).

Also, if you've never listened to the Russian group Little Big, hop on over to YouTube and check them out because I guarantee you'll be confused, a little scared, but you'll get at least one of their songs stuck in your head. It's like the soviet version of Die Antwoord but with less... Ninja and Yolandi, over racism and scare boners.

xoxo
--ffh

10. you oughta - das racist
9. ocean pearl - 54-40
8. dragon dance - byron lee & the dragonaires ft the mighty sparrow
7. royals - lorde
6. always on my mind - willie nelson
5. apologize - grandson
4. hope i'm stoned (when jesus takes me home) - charlie worsham ft old crow medicine show
3. don't think twice it's all right - bob dylan
2. go bananas - little big
1. kiss from a rose - seal

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20/20 vision? or is this the swingin' twenties?

happy new year (twenty days late)! things ramped up in November and I managed to slack in being a human just like, in general. Something about my age, knee surgery, the weather and work culminated into making my S.A.D. worse. I'm slowly digging myself out of the mountain of sadness I built during the holidays but, like anyone will tell you, depression kicks your ass and then sits on your chest until you say uncle. Couple this with the fact I'm restricted in how I can get my blood pumping (who wants to go swimming when it's -40C? The answer is no one in their right minds) and I'm just a sad, sad little girl who has become one with her blankets. They've accepted me as an honourary blanket person-- to say that I was touched by the honorific title is maligning my experiences.

Anyways, enough about how I'd rather lie in bed all day, every day, until spring comes (and maybe not even then). I guess I should do a synopsis of what I listened to this year. Thanks to Spotify's deep dive into my listening habits of the last 12 calendar months, this is much easier. I can't remember what I did yesterday morning so thinking back to what I listened to last January would be an exercise in futility.

So without further ado, or me talking in general, 2019 in review. I refuse to apologize for the amount of Billie Eilish, Prof and John Mayer.

home alone - ansel elgort
slide away - miley cyrus
andre the giant - prof
this is america - childish gambino
light work - prof
supercut (el-p remix) - lorde, run the jewels
church - prof
sekundenschlaf - marteria, peter fox
fast talk - houses
you should see me in a crown - billie eilish
7 rings - ariana grande
bury a friend - billie eilish
scotty beam mich hoch (nobodys face remix)- marteria, nobodys face
delete delete - boots ft run the jewels
just a bill - billy the fridge
4th dimension - KIDS SEE GHOSTS
crown - flatbush zombies ft portugal. the man
gampo - prof
forgot about dre - dr dre ft eminem
luddite - naked cameo
feel the love - rudimental ft john newman
pookie baby - prof
wow. - post malone
dreamers - k.flay
in cold blood (bauer remix) - alt-j, bauer
standout - prof
my name is - eminem
the chain - fleetwood mac
rockstar - post malone ft 21 savage
bar breaker - prof
molotov - kira puru
boyfriend - tyler cassidy
kids (2 fingers an den Kopf) - marteria
time bomb - prof
going down - watsky
freee (ghost town pt. 2) - KIDS SEE GHOSTS
best friends - grandson
president - prof
get it right - left boy
bad guy - billie eilish
n***as in paris - kanye west & jay z
no - prof ft cashinova
take a slice - glass animals
mask off - future
hear this - jeremi
a$ap forever - a$ap rocky, moby
shoop - salt-n-peppa
congratulations - post malone
tribute - tenacious d
song about you - mike posner
all night - big boi
about you - g flip
lose control - glass animals ft Joey Bada$$
feelin' it - sword beach
complainer - cold war kids
bellyache - billie eilish
rodeo - lil nas x ft cardi b
crossfire - stephen
god's plan - drake
gasoline - prof
old town road - lil nas x ft billy ray cyrus
what it dew - grieves
motherlove - the lonely island & justin timberlake
MAKEherSAY - connor gilbert
push on - wax
hold up - beyonce
tusk - fleetwood mac
beverly blues - opia
raccoon city - aether, sizzle bird, veela
papagenu (he's my sassafrass) - tenacious d
shimmy shimmy ya - ol' dirty bastard
i'm gonna find another you - john mayer
blame it on the boogie - jackson 5
make me feel - janelle monae
x goin' give it to ya - DMX
no scrubs - tlc
sunny nights - leroyce
cool - jonas brothers
role models - walker & royce, on cue
mr la di da di - baker boy
walkin' back to georgia - jim croce
waterfalls - ten fe
AMBiVALENT - sam lachow ft. wilson luxurious
amazing - RDGLDGRN
BOOGIE - BROCKHAMPTON
slow dancing in a burning room - john mayer
ride - chiddy bang
flexing on my ex - hovey benjamin
my strange addiction - billie eilish
dreaming with a broken heart - john mayer
make me proud - drake ft nicki minaj
lift yourself - kanye west
careless whisper - george michaels
faith - moguai, luciene
all things go - chiddy bang
a hundred fathers - doomtree
in repair - john mayer
god forgot - the rubens

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